The Turning Point

I used to be an innocent, naive, good girl. Overly optimistic, my family and friends worried about me. It was almost to the point of being delusional sometimes. That’s where my stubbornness kicked in. I just refused to believe that anything but good could happen in most situations. If I felt even the slightest inkling of things going south I would white-knuckle it and overthink it and force it to try to make it go my way.

For now we will skip over my 17-year marriage that ended in verbal abuse, a restraining order, no money, no car, eviction, and the lowest self-esteem I’ve ever had. Not to mention my long-term drug addict husband who introduced me to meth 2 years ago. What a mess, right?

So let’s go back to a year before the restraining order. We hadn’t functioned as a married couple for a couple of years at this point. I had been sleeping downstairs in the recliner for two years. I would only have sex with him if he begged and I couldn’t shut him up. Was easier just to give in. he would get angry and bully me if I turned him down. At the time I didn’t look at it like he was using me because after all, we were married. I still hated it and couldn’t wait for it to be over every time. I didn’t even bother for myself anymore. I just wasn’t turned on by him at all. And I thought there was something wrong with me.

We weren’t functioning as roommates either. He was a long-time drug addict and he was full-blown into it during this time. He became verbally abusive about a year before this. He always had an anger problem but it had never been like this. We fought all the time. The children were being affected. I started to see that there truly was no hope. I knew that I needed to have the courage to end it and file for the divorce. We just didn’t have anywhere to go and I didn’t have any money of my own and I knew it was going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever have to do. It was so easy to just forget and pretend like it wasn’t going to happen again until it did. It always did. The amount of time that would pass by in between incidents just got shorter and shorter.

I had worked on this marriage for so long. He hadn’t done much work at all. I tried to be compassionate about the drug problem and thought we could get help. He wouldn’t work but I thought he would buck up and get a job. The fact that I had fallen out of love with him, I even could overlook that because I knew that with counseling lots of couples were able to rekindle that flame and fall back in love again.

Little did I know that downloading and joining an innocent little game app had more in store for me than I ever could have imagined over the next year-and-a-half. A journey to sexual and emotional self discoveries, gaining new friendships, feeling utter brokenness, being used financially, and a phone hacking situation from hell.

But most amazingly, I experienced true love for the first time in my life…

11 thoughts on “The Turning Point

  1. Quite an horrific journey, but it is a journey and, as your title implies, a turning point. Yes, shit happens, and the degree to which it does is always relative to our situation. Thing again of the Turninng Point. There will always be opportunities to change – and you would not have heard me say that at the turn of the century when my mood was very much like yours in your later posts. You will find yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So did u tell your husband that you had met the love of your life and were experiencing all these sexual experiencesrite away? Or did u never tell him?

    Liked by 2 people

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